Really Funny Quotes Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr Tagalog About Life Lessong For Kids About Girls Biography
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Perhaps the only type of quote better than a wise quote is a quote that, while conveying some universal truth, is also witty. If you’re in need of a good laugh — and really, who isn’t? — then check out our list of the top 100 funny quotes of all-time.
Funny quotes are also good for making other people laugh; posting one of these quotes on Facebook or Twitter is sure to elicit many chuckles from your friends and followers. There’s a funny quote here for everybody: this list has everything from ironic statements and macabre jokes to bathroom humor.
Also included are interpretations, which attempt to explain just what makes each quote so darn funny– the interpretations also come in handy for that one clueless person who always says, “I don’t get it” in response to your hilarious joke. (Don’t worry, this list has funny quotes about those types of people as well.)
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1QUOTE
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.
A photograph of Bob Monkhouse. BOB MONKHOUSE
2QUOTE
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Photograph of Elayne Boosler. ELAYNE BOOSLER
3QUOTE
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
Photograph of Oscar Wilde OSCAR WILDE
4QUOTE
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
Photograph of Mark Russell. MARK RUSSELL
5QUOTE
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
A photograph of Robert Bloch. ROBERT BLOCH
6QUOTE
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
A photograph of Steve Martin. STEVE MARTIN
7QUOTE
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
A photograph of Lana Turner. LANA TURNER
8QUOTE
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell “BINGO!”
A photograph of Anonymous. ANONYMOUS
9QUOTE
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
A photograph of Dave Barry. DAVE BARRY
10QUOTE
Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
Funny quotes are also good for making other people laugh; posting one of these quotes on Facebook or Twitter is sure to elicit many chuckles from your friends and followers. There’s a funny quote here for everybody: this list has everything from ironic statements and macabre jokes to bathroom humor.
Also included are interpretations, which attempt to explain just what makes each quote so darn funny– the interpretations also come in handy for that one clueless person who always says, “I don’t get it” in response to your hilarious joke. (Don’t worry, this list has funny quotes about those types of people as well.)
Cite This Quote Suggest An Edit Bookmark Share
1QUOTE
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.
A photograph of Bob Monkhouse. BOB MONKHOUSE
2QUOTE
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Photograph of Elayne Boosler. ELAYNE BOOSLER
3QUOTE
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
Photograph of Oscar Wilde OSCAR WILDE
4QUOTE
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
Photograph of Mark Russell. MARK RUSSELL
5QUOTE
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
A photograph of Robert Bloch. ROBERT BLOCH
6QUOTE
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
A photograph of Steve Martin. STEVE MARTIN
7QUOTE
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
A photograph of Lana Turner. LANA TURNER
8QUOTE
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell “BINGO!”
A photograph of Anonymous. ANONYMOUS
9QUOTE
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
A photograph of Dave Barry. DAVE BARRY
10QUOTE
Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
Really Funny Quotes Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr Tagalog About Life Lessong For Kids About Girls
Really Funny Quotes Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr Tagalog About Life Lessong For Kids About Girls
Really Funny Quotes Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr Tagalog About Life Lessong For Kids About Girls
Really Funny Quotes Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr Tagalog About Life Lessong For Kids About Girls
Really Funny Quotes Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr Tagalog About Life Lessong For Kids About Girls
Really Funny Quotes Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr Tagalog About Life Lessong For Kids About Girls
Really Funny Quotes Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr Tagalog About Life Lessong For Kids About Girls
Really Funny Quotes Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr Tagalog About Life Lessong For Kids About Girls
Really Funny Quotes Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr Tagalog About Life Lessong For Kids About Girls
Really Funny Quotes Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr Tagalog About Life Lessong For Kids About Girls
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